Chapter 7: Back Against the Wall

Hmmm... after so many chapters, there is finally a self title chapter name, Back Against the Wall. Why did i chose this title for my blog entries? Well, for one, it sounded good. And two, sometimes that's exactly how I feel. Everything, all the bad shit that you never thought would happen, happened to me all at once. They were rushing at me like there is no tomorrow. It's like school wasn't stressful enough some family issues comes up. Great, perfect timing. Its like stress and problems are best buddies, they always come along side each other.

Any of this shit every happened to any of you before? Three five page papers due the same week if not the same day. Then three more tests on the same day, total up to five tests that very week. Fuck I think I got myself a dilemma, which subject should I start studying first? You already know an all nighter is coming up from that shit. Hold up more good stuff is coming. Rent was due on the first and that day was already the third. May I ask what is fucking good now? Time to go to the bank and take out all of my money, yay! Oh, did I mention I also had three final presentations to do? Damn, all my old buddies visiting me all at once. Surprised the shit out of me.

At times like that I felt like I had no where to go. My back was literally against the wall. Frustration and depression were the only feelings I had. If you read Chapter 6, I did mention Hip-Hop was my only relief. But was music able to calm me down and ease my pain? Of course it did! The Hip-Hop world was my paradise. I blasted that shit till I fell asleep. But when I wake up the problems come back around. Same fucking situation Cham talks about in his song Rain except he relies on liquor to drown his problems away. No wonder I be feeling that song so fucking much.

Should I blame my parents for this pressure? Absolutely not! They tried their best and I understand it perfectly. It's not my dad's fault that his job is unstable and it's a hundred and fifty percent none of my mom's fault that she gets shit pay. The only thing I can blame is the economy and those motherfucking terrorists. I was raised to learn how to take responsibilities. I learned how to cook when I was 9 and started cooking for the family when I was what, 15? And if you didn't read Chapter 2, I started making money when I was around 11 years old. Not any big bucks, but enough for me to never ask my parents for money. Growing up like this isn't easy at all, when you look at me you can never tell what I have been through at all. The only thing that I keep in my mind is that is fucking life, and all I can do is live it the best way I can under these fucking circumstances.

What you see is not what it is. I might look like a happy kid all the time, but there is a lot more to it. All the experiences that I have obtained throughout my years shaped me into the man I am today. The different sides of me are just survival reflexes that comes with those experiences. That doesn't mean I'm fake though. So don't get your shit mixed up. I'm as real as it gets, and I would like to keep it that way. A couple words of advices for the people out there that are living stressful lives, I feel your pain but never give up. When you feeling like the whole world is against you, just keep your head up youngin'.

I was gonna feature Cham's Rain here, but I already did that for the other chapter. But fear not, I got a couple other songs for you today!

Chamillionaire ft. Trae & Slim Thug - My Life
Chamillionaire ft. Tony Heny - Life Goes On